Things You Won’t Find in SoCal

Over the last 8 or so weeks I’ve been here, it has come to my attention (usually at 2AM) that there are a few homey comforts not found in this SoCal burb.

Dairy Queen I know! That’s just unAmerican! I discovered that the first weekend here. It was a rough day. I have a theory. In an effort to keep Californians in their metallic teal aerobics spandex, they outlawed all DQ’s and replaced them with Yozen Frogurts and whatnot.

Motorcycle laws I’m sure there are laws regarding motorbikes, just not very many of them. And yes, I do find this to be a “homey comfort”. If you have a 500 pound, 2,000 horsepower engine – feel free to drive 90 MPH down the median on the busiest freeway in the country. When the median is full of other motorcycles, go ahead and drive in between cars. They’ll probably see you.

Thrift stores I’m sure this is a symptom of the burb I’m in, but it seems like thrift stores should be in every town. Everybody loves to be thrifty! Don’t they? The one I did find seemed to be there so that the rich people could drop their junk somewhere. And not their good junk, either. We’re talking their junk-junk. I did find a sweet pair of new leather boots. For $30.

Places open later than 11PM One of my favorite things to do is to go shopping for tinfoil, peanut butter, and wristwatches at 1AM. I haven’t found a single place nearby that can satisfy my particular middle of the night need for weatherstripping. Oh sure, everyone around here has a “normal” schedule and “kids”. What about us reclusive, childless insomniacs with a distinct hankering for corn on the cob and D batteries?

Drive thrus Now I’m starting to sound like a lazy Midwesterner. Wait…

If I’m resorting to Taco Bell for a meal, I expect the entire convenience experience. I’ve already made the decision to forgo any effort in providing sustenance for myself. Why would I exert myself to grab an 89¢ burrito and a pail of Pepsi?

In conclusion, don’t think I’m complaining. I am quite happy here! We have a lovely place and there are mountains, I’m told.


One thought on “Things You Won’t Find in SoCal

  1. Is Yozen Frogurt a real thing? Because it needs to be.

    The motorcycle thing: omg, we almost killed a CHiP, did I ever tell you that? He was in between the lanes and we almost squashed him. IN BETWEEN THE LANES.

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